Research shows over a third of people would like to be cared for in their own homes. However, with three-quarters of older people not discussing their wishes with family members, care decisions are often left until crisis point.
Looking to the future can be very difficult; many find it hard to acknowledge the ageing process and potential onset of illness. A recent survey found that people find it easier to discuss their will, funeral wishes, finances and medical issues than where they would like to be cared for in their old age. Research involving more than 10,000 over 50s showed that 77% of people do not discuss with their family where they would like to receive care. Men are less likely to express their wishes, with 89% admitting they had not had a conversation about care with their loved ones, compared to 71% of women.
Conversations about care can be charged with emotion and concern for a loved one, their independence, and their quality of life, and it’s not just older people who find it difficult to discuss care options. Care UK recently released a survey which found two-thirds of people with parents over 60 had not discussed the issue of care with their mother or father.
The Care UK study further reveals that a third of people would not feel able to accommodate their loved one in their own home should they need full-time care but feel ‘guilty’ at the prospect of arranging residential care. You can read more from the Care UK report here.
Starting the care conversation
Unfortunately, in many cases, it’s not until a situation reaches crisis point, such as a fall or chronic illness, when a loved one has to enter the hospital, that a conversation about care takes place. Having plans in place before you reach a state of emergency can help you see your options much clearer, with a practical view of your financial situation, care funding, and support network.
In such instances, families often find themselves making rushed decisions under duress, leading to increased stress and uncertainty. However, by initiating conversations about care well in advance, individuals and their families can better prepare for the future and make more informed decisions. This proactive approach allows for thorough consideration of various care options, assessment of financial resources, and establishment of a robust support network. By addressing potential care needs and preferences ahead of time, families can navigate challenging situations with greater clarity and confidence, ensuring the best possible outcomes for their loved ones.
Tips for starting the conversation
We understand it can be difficult or uncomfortable to discuss important care decisions with your loved one, so we’ve put together some top tips to help get the conversation started:
- Plan ahead – start planning early whilst your loved one’s health allows them to communicate their wants, needs and preferences.
- Get comfortable – pick a place and time that makes everyone comfortable. Make sure you are not restricted by competing obligations so you can have a relaxed chat, without watching the clock.
- Involve everyone concerned – it’s important to include all decision-makers in the process from the outset in order to avoid conflict and confusion further down the line. Meet together before approaching your loved one to make sure everyone’s on the same page.
- Be purposeful – let your loved one know your concerns and that you want to ensure plans are in place for the future so their needs and wishes can be followed later.
- Keeping it simple – it’s best to take small steps and not try to resolve everything at once. The aim is to share information and open an honest, ongoing conversation about your loved one’s future.
- Where to begin? – discussing a relevant article in the local newspaper, or a friend or relative’s illness or medical emergency, could be one way to open the conversation.
- Documents and records – ask your parent where they keep important documents such as insurance policies, tax returns, investment and banking records, living wills, and trust documents. Explain that you want to be prepared to help them when needed. It may be difficult to ask directly about financial and legal matters, and this approach may provide you with an opening to discuss what provisions have been made, and what may need to be done.
- Offer options – you play a key role in providing resources and reading materials for your loved one on the choices available. It’s important to present more than one solution. Involve your loved one in the decision process, ask questions about their choices. Your loved one’s wishes are the critical factor, unless their health or safety is in question. You can find out more about different care options here.
- Trusted opinion – if you find your loved one is resisting your efforts or the conversation is not running smoothly, it might be a good idea to involve a third party. Your loved one might be more open to the support and guidance of a respected non-family member such as a doctor, financial planner, trusted friend or neighbour, or a representative of a care provider.
Positive communication tips
Discussing care options with your parents can be a sensitive and challenging conversation. Here are some tips to ensure the discussion is positive and productive:
- Choose the right time and place: Find a calm, comfortable setting where you can have an uninterrupted conversation. Avoid bringing up the topic during stressful or busy times.
- Listen actively: Give your parents the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings. Listen without interrupting, and show that you value their input.
- Be clear and honest: Communicate your concerns clearly and honestly. Explain why you think discussing care options is important and how it can benefit their well-being.
- Focus on their needs and preferences: Emphasise that the goal is to ensure their comfort, safety, and happiness. Discuss their preferences for care and involve them in the decision-making process.
- Provide information: Share information about different care options and services available. Highlight the benefits of each option and how they can enhance their quality of life.
- Involve other family members: If appropriate, involve other family members in the conversation. Having a united front can provide additional support and reassurance.
- Be patient: Understand that this is a big decision, and your parents may need time to process the information. Be patient and give them the time they need to come to terms with the idea.
- Follow up: After the initial conversation, follow up with your parents to see how they are feeling and if they have any additional questions or concerns. Keep the lines of communication open.
What if my loved one refuses help?
When a loved one refuses help, it can be a complex and emotional situation to address. Here are some steps you can take to navigate this challenge effectively:
- Understanding their perspective: Take the time to listen to your loved one and understand their reasons for refusing help. They may fear losing their independence, feel embarrassed about needing assistance, or have concerns about the quality of care.
- Empathetic vommunication: Approach the conversation with empathy and patience. Acknowledge their feelings and concerns, and reassure them that their well-being is your priority. Avoid being confrontational or dismissive, as this may escalate resistance.
- Involving them in decision-making: Involve your loved one in decision-making as much as possible. Empower them to express their preferences and concerns, and work together to find solutions that address their needs while respecting their autonomy.
- Seeking professional advice: Consult with healthcare professionals or social services for guidance and support. They have experience in assisting individuals who are resistant to care and can offer valuable insights and strategies tailored to your loved one’s situation.
- Exploring Available Resources: In the UK, there are specific services and organisations that provide support in situations where loved ones refuse help. Local authorities, charities, and advocacy services can offer practical assistance and connect you with relevant resources and support networks.
By approaching the situation with understanding, empathy, and collaboration, you can work towards finding solutions that prioritise your loved one’s well-being while respecting their autonomy and preferences.
Expert home care, for all of life
At Prestige Nursing & Care, we understand the importance of home care that supports individuals through all stages of life. With over 75 years of experience, our dedicated team is committed to providing compassionate and competent hourly home care services tailored to meet each client’s unique needs.
By choosing Prestige Nursing & Care, you can rest assured that your loved one will receive the highest quality of care in the comfort of their own home. Contact us today at 0808 239 1525 to discuss your care needs with our friendly experts, or fill out our online enquiry form. We’re here to offer impartial guidance and support, helping you make the best choice for your family’s well-being.
